He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
