We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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