Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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