I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
