So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
