i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
