Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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