Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
