Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
