You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
what the fuck happened to the tacos
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
