Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
