any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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