cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
