I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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