I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
