You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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