Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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