he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
