You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You are a genius and a whore.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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