I heard we made out
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
