wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
