I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do vagina's smell?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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