We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
