hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
