Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
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