I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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