Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
