u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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