Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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