sarcasm needs its own font
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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