He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
