it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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