She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
