I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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