You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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