it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
where are you?
Hypothermia
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
