They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
