last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
