I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
