I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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