He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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