I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
