Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
