sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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