My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
