I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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