he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
