I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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