Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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