You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
