My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
