Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
