Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
