Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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