So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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