Banned from zoo.
Again?
nutella sex= disaster
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
