So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
