She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
