Where are you?
In a non slutty way
home. puking in laundry basket.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
