Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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