He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
