update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
