I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
