Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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