:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
