mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
